Why we need to redefine what being a woman and strong is in South Asian societies

Women are weak and exist to be subdued by men. These are the things I learned as a kid as I saw my mother get emotionally and physically abused by my father. Both of them were university graduates. My dad was a businessman while my mum was a housewife so she could take care of my siblings and I. I quickly assimilated that being a girl meant being a weakling. When I was 8, my mum called me “kella” in Sinhala language which means girl. That word offended me to a level that I ran to my dad saying that mum called me ‘kella.’

Every time someone said “that’s a man’s job, don’t do it” or  “don’t lift heavy objects, you’re a girl, leave it to your [insert male figure in your life],” I rebelled and did it anyway. For a large part of my childhood, I hated anything that reminded me that I was a woman. I hated the pink color, hated wearing dresses/skirts, wished daily if I was a boy and loved it when my dad called me “putha” which means son in our language. I also hated cooking and helping my mum in the kitchen because I equated that to becoming subdued and a housewife later in my life.

Sadly, this probably resonates to many, behind closed doors. It was only much later that I realized that being a woman is not synonymous with being weak and dainty. I also realized that my mum wasn’t weak but actually a very strong woman. I also learned that I didn’t NEED to be a boy/man to be STRONG. In truth, being a woman meant EMBRACING all aspects of myself, embracing my femininity and strength both emotionally and physically, at the same time.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s an easy thing to do especially when this concept has become so ingrained in our culture. Often in mass media including films and TV series where men are portrayed as hypermasculine individuals and women are presented as being frail, incapable of being strong and independent and need taking care of. This then seeps into how we as women might move in society, restrain from doing activities that are outside this stereotype and suppress qualities in us that might contradict this assumption, despite women having multifaceted traits as a human being. Ladies, the detriment of this ideology is OUR HEALTH and we must take control of it for our own happiness and wellbeing.

Physical and emotional strength is not exclusive with the male experience, it’s a female experience too. We can be outspoken, choose to wear makeup, get our eyebrows done, ask for help when we need it, be self-sufficient, independent and lift weights in the gym. Don’t limit yourself to what ideologies society might have about women. Embrace all your quirks and emanate what being a strong woman is on YOUR TERMS.

The change in my mindset of what it means to move like a woman in society started in the gym. Once I started weight training, seeing my body transforming and being able to lift more weight than before, I started walking with more confidence and my back pain significantly reduced.

Having said this, it took me a long time to even enter the weight training section of the gym as it is dominated by men and I had to overcome my own stigma and self-limiting beliefs I had about women doing weight training. However, taking that leap of faith was empowering, it benefited my health and I often found that my assumptions were all in my head and no one really cared. If someone did say something negative, in truth, it showcases more of their own limitations and lack of self-love. As someone who truly loves themselves would never allow themselves to treat anyone negatively.

Weight training in women, in particular, is of high importance as women are at a higher risk of osteoarthritis and osteoporosis than men because they have a lower bone density than males. Osteoarthritis is a condition that causes joints to become painful and stiff and osteoporosis is a type of bone weakness. This results in decreased mobility and a higher risk of fractures which could be life-threatening. The risks of developing this disease increase with aging, obesity and family history.

Now, I’m about to hit you with some science, hold on.

Bones go through remodeling as a result of damage done to the bone, to release calcium from the bone for the body and repair stresses on the bone. Osteoclasts break down the bone and osteoblasts build up the bone. As we get older, osteoclasts are more active than osteoblasts. In women, osteoclast activity further increases as we age, where we produce less estrogen, especially after menopause. This results in resorption of more calcium than bone formation. This just basically means that as we get older, more of our bone is broken down than formed/repaired.

Additionally, as we age, our muscle starts to shrink or atrophy in the result of disuse of the muscle where up to 50% of our muscle mass is lost by age 70.

To prevent and reduce the risk of osteoarthritis and osteoporosis, weight training or resistance training is more effective in building bone density than cardio such as cycling, etc. Weight training would also help to reduce muscle atrophy. It was found in a study that doing weight training twice a week for six months led to older muscle becoming 15-20 years younger.

So girls go to the gym, get stronger for your own health, look fine and get people guessing what age you are at the same time!

Bottom line is, as women, we need to take ownership of our health and a great way to do this is through weight training which keeps muscles and bones strong, increases metabolism and energy levels and improves our brain functioning.

Women can be strong, badass and nurturer at the same time. Taking ownership of our health is self-love. If going to the weight lifting section of your gym scare you, take a friend or your mum with you!

Weight-training is for everyone and for all ages. To quote Marianne Williamson, “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.” I hope everyone who is reading this take ownership of their own health and unconsciously help others to do the same.

May you always have the courage to shine your light.