Sisterhood and Solidarity in a time of Sangat

Not so long ago, I didn’t know terms like patriarchy, misogyny, emotional and unpaid labor, and many other such words. However, the most fascinating part was that I knew the meanings of these words all too well but didn’t have the language to explain terms which have been dictating my life since perhaps, my birth.

Last year in September, I had the honor of being chosen for a Month-Long Course held in Kathmandu, Nepal by a South Asian network called Sangat. I got connected to women from Bangladesh, India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Afghanistan, Maldives, Turkey, and Sierra Leone.

During this one month, I realized that all our egos and pride associated with our religions we adhered to or countries we belonged to fizzled out in the first few days as it dawned upon us that patriarchy and its favorite tool, misogyny were far above all of them.

While I learned a lot about these terms among various other concepts, it was startling to understand the idea of how all the women from seven different nations had the same problems in different garbs. From mobility to plastering of honor on a body of a woman to the use of various forms of violence to curtail freedom, all women were in the same boat, except this time around, we were willing to rock the boat by understanding the dynamics of class, race, ethnicity, caste, sexuality, and others.

With more than 30 participants, it was interesting to see that some of the participants were not comfortable in identifying themselves as feminists but towards the end of the course, they also understood the nuances behind the movement especially the myth behind the word which has been demonized for too long.

In order to make sure that all of us interacted with someone from another country, we were assigned different roommates for each week of our stay. I was lucky enough to know four women namely from Nepal, India, Bangladesh, and the Maldives. The program is very flexible with respect to many factors so it wasn’t an anomaly to be listening to women who were twice my age as they seek advice regarding their relationships or ways to improve their communications skills. But among many things which we did together was singing out heart out, and not just film songs but feminist anthems penned by the likes of Kamla Bhasin and others.

As someone whose parents were unable to communicate in English, I knew the importance of language but I learned that it must not be used as a tool to throw jargons at others who may not be able to comprehend us rather it must be simplified in the native language of the speakers. Many women were hesitant to share their thoughts because they didn’t know English but were able to voice their opinions in their own languages, and as sad as it may sound, the colonizers made sure that their language became the lingua franca, a language which would be known to the nationals of colonized countries.

One day we decided to share cultural and religious practices which we believed were patriarchal, and while the session was to be wrapped in an hour, it took us all an entire day to discuss the customs and traditions about periods, marriages, controlling the sexuality of women among many others. It was on that day it hit me as to how we feel we are better off than the other because one inhumane custom is not followed in our country, but looking at the charts before me, I realised that some of the practices in my own country were not any lesser, and it was perhaps my ignorance which sheltered me from accepting the harsh realities.

We were also lucky enough to celebrate the day when Section 377 was repealed in India because we felt victories, where we as nations cut off ties with the colonial laws, should not be taken lightly.

We women are systematically taught to hate our identities so it’s only natural for us to hate our bodies and disapprove of all those women who do not associate with one size fits all category, and challenging that mindset is a rebellion in itself because empathy is the first step to create sisterhood. Each night, after having our post-dinner sessions, we would play music and just dance without any judgments whatsoever, and my god, little did I know dancing together can relieve stress and leave one with such energy.

Not a day went by when one of us would not share an anecdote so personal that we were often moved by the courage held by the one narrating their story, except at the end of each day we would be shedding tears after laughing too long at a joke cracked not too long ago.

As we inched towards our last days, we realized that we needed to have something to remember each other with and the next thing we knew, each participant would open their luggage, inviting all others to pick an article of clothing to take it back home. I brought home saris and shirts in exchange for kurta and jhumkis.

The exchange I believe is an important part of the journey because while we are silently understanding the restrictions of borders, visas and passports we also realized that we were taking a part of all of us back home.

After the last session our trainer said that there would be a lot of tears in the next morning, and some of us didn’t take it too seriously because denial is the best form of escapism, however the last night gave us the reality check of how some of us would have to travel to other countries to see each other again because our countries thrive on jingoism and wave the flags of nationalism.

But social media and the Internet are indeed helpful in this regard. Each day I check my phone to see the notifications on the Sangat Whatsapp group, and I know it’s never a dull day. The group does not only act as a solidarity platform but also engages us in discussions about issues we face in our respective countries.

If anyone of us gets a chance to go and spend time with people of other countries especially to understand nuances of various sociopolitical ideologies, they should always take it because it is not only about exposure, rather it is about letting go of our own biases and understanding realities of as a community instead of just individuals.

Patriarchy feasts on divisions and groups because like the Colonisers it believes in ‘Divide and Rule’, but coming above nationalities, religions, caste, class, and color can give it a tough time if not defeat it right away, so keep marching till we see the dawn of prosperity and progress.