Round rotis over Write-up

Curled in a blue printed duvet on a floor bed, struggling with the body aches that couple with heart’s, trying to figure if the evening tea sauce pans lying in my all white Australian kitchen need an instant wash, here I am. The window across the road shows the rapidly moving city of Sydney. It’s been a long day. Only 7 pm yet and still a century-long way to go… the dinner is yet to be sorted. I usually wake up at 8 am, sort the man of the house’ breakfast, head to the gym, sort the groceries, cook a storm and welcome him with a smile wider than my arms and cheeks radiating the glow my highlighter brings. Picture perfect, no? After serving the lunch and whatever follows, I switch to my work. Yes, whatever was mentioned earlier doesn’t count as one because it is not paid. Money talks louder than words.

Do I sound like one of those domesticated women who have no thought of their own? Well, Google me sometime if you have not checked out my Twitter and Instagram. I am vocal. I am opinionated. I am heard. I have a healthy circle of friends who are there for me undoubtedly. I wear the second best, if not the best designer, in town. I graduated from one of the best universities in the country, I come from. All the other etc. and etc. follow. From the look of it, I am a strong urban woman- the crown of an urban man.

Yet it is 7 pm and I am still undone with the piece of writing I was meant to submit today. I dare not speak it out hence write. Actually, I can’t speak it because I fear the reactions blaming me for being lazy and not being able to manage time. Whatever I have been doing since 8 am does not fall into the category of work anyway.

This is the story of my life; the story of every urban Pakistani woman’s life who is in a fix. Our modern urban personalities on one hand that teach us to fly higher and our feet stuck in the swamps of patriarchy.

Sounds ironic, no? I do everything under my own will. I wear what I like, I eat what I like. Where is patriarchy? Just watch out for my chains that patriarchy would sugar coat as jewels.

By the way, I am not alone. It is the story of almost every girl around me. Thanks to the awareness about girl child education that we study equal to our male counterparts; in the same institutions with the same zeal if not more. We are treated equally to our brothers until the time comes when we are meant to embrace our ‘real’ home. So for all those years, the home we lovingly mistook as our own is not our own anymore. You do not send someone off from their home. And the drill begins!

Even in the urban setups, when a girl gets married she is expected to prioritize her in-laws and husband over her own blood. Interestingly, while a woman (our girl is now a woman) is supposed to leave all her memories and loved ones behind the man continues to be on the pedestal; or maybe a fancier throne this time. Neither his family nor animals lose anything. Instead, they gain a new person who is made to believe that they are her new family now and she has to leave no stone unturned making adjustments according to her new family. After all, it is the girl who needs to change and be the sole pillar of this crumbling institute. The ‘weaker’ sex has to bear it all.

Not to forget, a motivated bright young girl who once had dreams of flying is now only limited to the career choices that tally with her role as a good wife and daughter-in-law. It doesn’t end here, for your information. In this system, a woman is also expected to be grateful for having the ‘supportive’ in-laws and husband who ‘let’ her work. What a gift of God! Her work is never taken seriously and is considered to be more of a time pass than a serious career. Hence, do not forget to knead the dough for rotis as soon as you get home, darling.

From my class of almost 35 female architects, I barely know the girls who are pursuing their careers. Successfully making babies and the perfect aaloo gosht though! The same girls are also ridiculed for ‘wasting a boy’s seat’. Don’t we know many professional degree holder girls switching their careers just because of their post-marriage circumstances? We do, even if we choose to shut our eyes tight like a pigeon.

Clamped in the fists of patriarchy and a thin line that separates it from feminism, the society has never been as confused and complex as today. On one hand, the women are aspiring to pluck the stars, on the other hand, their feet in this unseen swamp pull them down. When we talk of girl child education, equal emphasis must also be laid on the society’s education.  Let’s not overrate marriage and motherhood as the ultimate reason for a girl’s being. Let’s fly. Let’s let every girl fly. Let’s hind the wing clips.

Gladly, I am done with my piece of writing. It took me five hours as the dinner was more important than what the world may hold for me. But I did it. So can you.